Relationships tend to get pretty serious before you know it. And that is one of the many reasons that it is so easy to get hurt. You fall in love before truly knowing where your partner stands in regard to some very important aspects. Don’t you think it’s better to know some of their convictions before it reaches that point?
So, here are some questions that I wrote and yes, asked my significant other, to make sure that before we get too involved, we are starting from the same foundation. As the Bible says, we are not to be unequally yoked. Having different foundations may not seem like much in the beginning but I have personally seen how it causes breakdowns in communication and strife, especially in longer relationships. Time is the most precious commodity we have. We want to use it wisely. And sometimes that means saying goodbye to those you care about before your feelings grow to the point that you are willing to stick with them simply because of the time you have already spent.
And yes, it is a long list so please forgive me!!!
With that, I will sign off!
Questions To Know If You’re Wasting Your Time
1. What are your beliefs?
a. About God? Who is He to you? Do you believe in the triune God?
b. About Heaven and Hell? About salvation? About abortion?
c. About how to get to God?
d. Where are you in your walk with God?
e. What are you doing to strengthen your walk with God?
f. How often do you attend church? How important is corporate worship to you?
g. Are you a member or just an attendee?
h. How often do you read your Bible?
i. What resources do you use to study your Bible?
i. What denomination are you? Why? What led you to that choice?
j. About marriage?
k. How would devotions look with your spouse? Who would lead them?
2. Marriage
a. What does a successful marriage look like to you? Please be as detailed as possible.
b. What roles do you think the man/woman should play in a marriage?
c. Percentage-wise, what should each spouse put forth to ensure a successful marriage?
d. What vows are most important to you?
e. What boundaries would you set in your marriage?
f. Are you comfortable with living apart from your spouse?
g. In your mind, is there ever a time that it is okay to divorce?
i. Why would divorce be okay or not okay?
ii. Would you seek counseling before the divorce?
iii. With whom would the children go to?
3. Money
a. How are you financially?
b. What loans and outstanding debts do you have?
i. How much are they in dollar amount?
ii. What are your plans to deal with them?
iii. Would you be able to deal with them within a five-year period?
iv. How do you plan to handle/combat future debt?
c. How do you feel about joint accounts?
d. Do you think you should know how much your spouse makes?
e. Do you think you should have access to your spouse’s account?
f. Do you use money wisely?
g. Do you have a budget? How often do you balance it?
4. Would you say that you are a moral person? Why or why not?
a. How do you feel about gambling?
b. How do you feel about homelessness?
5. What are your thoughts on donating? What causes would you donate to? Why?
6. Do you drink? How often? For what reason? Have you ever?
7. Do you curse? How often? For what reason?
8. Do you do drugs? Have you ever?
9. Are you addicted to anything? Not just substances but people or activities?
10. Do you have a codependent personality? How much time do you feel you would like to spend with your spouse in a typical day? What would you do if your spouse preferred solitude? Do you see yourself as needy? Do you require personal touch?
11. Would you be okay with your spouse going on a trip without you? For how long?
12. How do you differentiate between the love of a friend and of a lover?
13. Are you a people pleaser? Why? As in, how did this habit form?
14. Are you okay with cutting people out of your life completely?
15. Do you dwell on the past a lot? If so, what regrets do you have?
16. What is your political stance?
17. What are your views on abortion?
18. What are your views on sex before marriage?
19. How often would you expect sex in a marriage?
20. What do you think sex should consist of?
21. Would you be open to getting tested for any serious illnesses and infections prior to marriage? Examples: Sickle cell trait, Fertility, STD, Blood Disorder, etc.
22. If you and your spouse had an argument, how would you apologize? How would you expect your spouse to apologize?
23. Family
a. How are issues handled in your family?
b. Are any of your close relatives addicted to drugs, alcohol or dangerous behaviors?
c. What activities do you participate in as a family?
d. Would you be comfortable vacationing with your spouse’s family?
e. Does your family have reunions? If so, how often? If not, why?
f. How many children do you want? Why that number? What activities would you have your children pursue?
g. Once married, who will be more important to you, your spouse or your family?
24. Trauma
a. Are there any past traumas that you have experienced that I should know about?
b. Do you feel comfortable sharing them with me?
i. Why? Why not?
c. Are there any things you do not enjoy because of this trauma? i.e. food and activities
d. Are there any triggers I should be aware of? Words I should be careful not to use?
25. How are you actively pursuing your goals? Do you have a plan in place?
26. Is your response to controversy shutting down?
27. How do you deal with the unexpected?
28. When do you feel the most loved?
a. Does your mate make you feel loved?
b. In what ways do you show love?
c. In what ways would you like to receive love?
29. Do you feel safe with your mate?
30. Are there secrets that you have not shared with your mate? Is it because you feel uncomfortable with them? Is it because they are embarrassing?
31. Would you be comfortable doing a marriage-based Bible study?
32. Would you be willing to accept it calmly and warmly if your significant other decided that they no longer feel as though your match was a good fit. Would you be able to remain friends?
33. What worries you about your current relationship? Are there any methods you would use to fix these issues? What are they?
34. In what ways have you grown due to your partner? In what ways do you believe you have helped your partner grow?
35. What annoys you about your partner?
36. Household Responsibilities
a. How often do you thoroughly clean your home?
b. How would you decide on common chores?
c. If something broke in your home, would you prefer to have a professional fix it or to DIY?
d. What responsibilities do you feel that your partner should take on?
e. Who would handle paying of the bills?
37. Family Planning
a. What would you do if you and your spouse could not conceive?
b. Would you be willing to take paternal/maternal leave?
c. Would you want you spouse to stay at home or would you put your child in daycare?
d. How would you discipline your children?
e. Where would you want to live?
f. What style of house would you like to have?
g. Are you a minimalist, a maximalist or somewhere in between?
38. What would you do if you stop feeling “in-love” with your partner?
39. Are you physically attracted to your partner?
a. What attributes do you find attractive?
b. Do you think that your partner finds you attractive? What attributes about yourself do you find most attractive?
40. What are your thoughts on exercise and healthy eating? How would you define a healthy lifestyle?
41. What habits do you have that may adversely affect your health?
42. Do you know what your God-given purpose is? How do you know? What steps have you taken to achieve it?
43. Are there any people or things that you feel may distract you from your partner?
a. Why would these things come as a distraction?
b. What can you do to prevent yourself from getting distracted?
c. Would you be willing to do those things? Would your partner have to ask that of you or would you do it without being asked?
44. Do you believe that a person is single until they are married? Why or why not?
45. In what ways do you receive love?
a. Does your partner show you love in those ways?
b. What is your love language?
c. Do you know your partner’s love language?
46. What constitutes as abuse?
a. What are verbal cues that are not to be used?
b. What does emotional abuse look like to you? Can you and your partner both agree not to participate in it?
c. How would you respond to abuse?
47. How important is communication to you?
a. In what ways do you find it easier to communicate? Face-to-face, phone or text?
b. Should method of communication differ depending on the scenario?
48. Friendships
a. How important is having friends to you?
b. Would you be willing to go on vacation with your partner and his/her friends?
c. Is it okay to have friends of the opposite sex? If so, what boundaries must be established?
d. Will you talk to your friends before your partner if you have any issues with your partner?
49. What would you do to keep the romance going throughout the relationship?
a. What does a romantic evening look like to you? Do you know what a romantic evening looks like to your partner?
50. What projects would you enjoy working on? Do you know what projects your partner enjoys? Would you be willing to work on that project?
51. Do you see God in your mate? Does your mate live a godly lifestyle? In what ways? Do you have misgivings about their faith?
52. Do you ever hold back your feelings or thoughts for fear of upsetting your mate?
a. Why do you think these things would upset that person?
b. Does it upset you or bog you down that you have to hold these things in? How do you deal with these things then?
53. Are you and your mate intellectually compatible in your opinion?
a. Why or why not?
54. Do you and your partner have a similar sense of humor?
a. Do you think that this will lead to any future misunderstandings?
55. How often do you go outside of your comfort zone?
a. What would make you willing to do so?
56. Do you enjoy learning new things?
a. How often do you try to learn something new?
