You know that song Refiner? The one with the lyrics that say, “I wanna be tried by fire, purified. You take whatever you desire. Lord, here’s my life.” Well, the Bible tells us that life and death is in the power of the tongue. And maybe you’ve noticed it, but when you sing that song, the Lord takes your words into account and He goes about refining you, putting you through the fire to clear out all the dross. Refining isn’t a fun or easy process but you have to remember that you asked for it, right?
I want to just share with you some quick thoughts today that God has been allowing to occupy my mind for a while. I started the year out with some things I was expecting the Lord to do, things I was determined to be persistent and fervent in my prayers about. Some things were for me, others were for family and friends and the businesses I run. And one of the things I asked the Lord to do was to keep my spiritual eyes and ears open. I wanted the Father to allow me to know the spirits at work in a situation at any given time and the spirits people were operating in. While I knew that was a big ask, I can honestly say that I wasn’t really prepared for it. Of course, I thought I was when I first asked, but I wasn’t. Not really.
Why did I ask this?
Because I wanted to draw closer to God, I wanted to walk in power and authority. I wanted more in my relationship with Him and none of those are bad things, I just hadn’t fully grasped the severity of what I was asking. And little by little, He was giving me more wisdom and discernment until all at once (at least that is what it felt like) I was bogged down with knowing more than I really wanted to. And what I knew wasn’t always good. For example, I was able to see clearly when someone wasn’t in my corner although they pretended to be, I could discern that this one had a spirit of pride masked as wanting to help. They claimed they wanted to help but in reality, they though their ideas and methods were better. God tore open that curtain and I really wasn’t prepared for what He allowed me to see.
For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.
~Ecclesiastes 1:18
I was living this verse! When God removed the scales from my eyes, I sank. I deflated. I was left confused, not knowing how to move forward from where I was. It felt as though everything I had in my corner was a lie. My support group shrank immensely, but I also had to love those people with the love of Christ, even if it was at a distance. I didn’t know exactly how to do that. And before I continue, it wasn’t just others that God allowed me to see into, it was my own heart. There were quite a few areas in my life that I needed to improve on, even those that I thought I was doing okay in. And while God had delivered me from depression and anxiety years ago, my motivation was started to plummet. (Oddly enough, I also asked God to help me “do” this year even when I wasn’t particularly motivated.)
What Then?
With all that, it was hard to have the will and the strength. I didn’t know what to do or how to move forward and I’m a planner. I like having a contingency plan for my contingency plan. This was new. And it was hard. They say ignorance is bliss…I don’t totally agree with that but ignorance is definitely a lot easier to deal with. Whenever life throws you a curveball, you always have to readjust and that was what I did. I had to readjust not only how I related to people and who I opened up with but also my perspective.
When all these revelations came at me, I will admit they perturbed me. It felt hard and different and I didn’t like it AT ALL! But that’s when the Lord corrected me. You know how sometimes when you don’t know what to pray, the Holy Spirit places something in your heart and you know that is what your prayer should be? Well, my new discernment had really made me begin to dislike people. (I wasn’t even aware of it until the prayer!) And so, I had to pray that my disillusionment would not lead me to having a hardened heart. Solomon said that with wisdom comes sorrow but I had to choose joy. I had to choose to not be malcontent or bitter and we all know that Hebrews tells us that bitterness defiles (Hebrews 12:15). I didn’t want to be defiled. I didn’t want to be one of the ones teaching and sharing the Word while I myself was a castaway (1 Corinthians 9:27).
I prayed to the Lord and that very next day, something shifted. It probably shifted in that moment and I hadn’t perceived it, if I’m honest with myself. I got up in the morning and said my prayers and as always, started off with gratitude. I began thanking God for the day, for family and friends, for opened doors…then I began thanking Him for wisdom and discernment. I asked Him to help me use these new gifts to His glory and my benefit. I started looking at opened spiritual eyes as an opportunity. Remember how Gehazi was worried until the Lord opened His eyes (2 Kings 6:17–20)? It was like that, I could take this new gift and use it to bring peace and comfort.
It is truly remarkable by how we can change our whole frame of mind, our entire mood, by changing how we see things. It’s been a couple days as I am writing this that that particular prayer was answered and the Lord is still showing me things, but I count myself worthy to know the mysteries of God. And I choose to use this knowledge wisely. Of course, it will still take some getting used to, this new normal, but I am blessed by what God is doing. He heard me and answered my prayer. Was it what I expected? No. But, as God always does, He gave me what I needed.
And now, I feel like I have the wisdom to be more careful about the things I ask God for. I’ll think about it before I pray about it and do my best to truly understand where that answer may lead me. I’m also determined to stay in the right heart posture so that I don’t ask amiss or for the wrong reasons.
How do you prepare yourself to receive the answers from the Lord you’ve asked for? Do you? Let me know in a comment or a DM. And if this post encouraged you, you can buy me a cup of tea over on Ko-Fi.